China, is so damn wonderful. I really think so – but you won’t get the enjoyment of me just telling you how wondrous it is. I’ll have to tell you the bad things, that to me, make it even more wonderful.
Now picture this:
A pristine, marble palace of a bathroom. You walk in and a little sting enters your nostrils. Not really a problem, as you know they’re probably about to clean and return this toiletry palace back to its glorious state.
Now you just have to pee, stepping to a urinal with one on either side (appropriate male etiquette) and begin your duties. As you do you look around at all the glistening floors and surfaces and think to yourself “Maybe they have been cleaning, everything is so wet”… Your eyes then come to a sign about face height above the porcelain. You take in some of the Chinese characters and the cutesy little man waggling his finger… The you catch the English translation. Which is most likely, requires a little riddle solving, as the translators aren’t so hip with the 2010s era lingo… But it boils down to this: Try taking a step closer and not peeing all over everything you unsanitary freak!
Suddenly – this glistening surrounding you and that stinging smell in your nose all makes sense… As you finish and holster your manhood, in runs a son and father (this truly happened) and the shy child runs to the western loo in the stall and the father to the urinal you just evacuated
They both proceed to pee, the child not bothering to lift the seat and just going on top. Father, seeing this – he doesn’t stop. He just casually backs up wetting everything in his slow path backwards to tell of his son. The floor, the toilet and everything under God is now drenched.
This is China, welcome. It is a wonderful place, but man it does have some rather unpalatable habits.